


another one gone, and another one gone

by gilligankane



Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [44]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: 80's Music, F/F, Gen, Mixtape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22630582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: She pauses. “Imagine my surprise when the phone rang and someone reported an idiot was sitting on the roof of the McCready house. I told her she should call the Sheriff.” Wynonna elbows Nicole a little. “She told me that idiotwasthe Sheriff.”
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [44]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/819408
Comments: 22
Kudos: 299





	another one gone, and another one gone

**Author's Note:**

> It's been almost 24 years, but there's some things Nicole can never move past. There are some things she'll never get the chance to.

**“Another One Bites the Dust” Queen, 1980  
** _ How do you think I'm going to get along without you when you're gone? You took me for everything that I had and kicked me out on my own. Are you happy, are you satisfied? How long can you stand the heat? Out of the doorway, the bullets rip to the sound of the beat. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. _

Nicole hears the window open behind her, the old glass clattering in the frame as someone works it up. There’s a huff and the scrape of a shoe against the sill, and then someone is scooting down the shingles next to her, loose debris bouncing down and off the edge of the roof.

Wynonna throws her hair back over one shoulder. “What’re you doing up here?”

Nicole keeps looking out, past the row of houses across the street and towards downtown. “What does it look like I’m doing? Sitting.”

“Nicole.”

“Who called you anyway? Gus?”

Wynonna stretches out her legs. “Bumblebear. Called the Patch.” She pauses. “Imagine my surprise when the phone rang and someone reported an idiot was sitting on the roof of the McCready house. I told her she should call the Sheriff.” Wynonna elbows Nicole a little. “She told me that idiot  _ was _ the Sheriff.”

Nicole scoffs and leans back on her palms. The roofing shingles are rough against her hands, but she ignores the small stings of pain. “She’s nosy.”

Wynonna gasps, pressing her hand over her heart. “Nicole Sheriff Haught. Did you just insult a citizen of Purgatory? The very people you vow to protect?”

Nicole fights the flinch that builds in her body. She  _ did _ vow to protect the citizens of Purgatory, but Bumblebear  _ is _ nosy. She looks at her house, spotting the curtain on the first floor fluttering in the open window. 

“Anyway, she called,” Wynonna continues. “Said I’d better get over here before you jump. Or worse. Rip your jeans.”

“I’d never rip my jeans,” Nicole mumbles. She wouldn’t.

Wynonna shrugs a shoulder, shifting her weight so she’s a little closer to Nicole. “I got a couple of phone calls today.”

Nicole scowls down at her knees. The fabric is starting to thin there, the denim just a little faded in a few spots. It’s from playing with Alice. It has to be. Nicole runs around the living room on her hands and knees, Alice hanging onto her neck and screaming with delight. Nicole would care if she didn’t love Alice as much as she does. 

“Waverly,” Wynonna starts, counting on her fingers. “Gus. Mercedes. Your mom.”

Nicole pulls her knees in, resting her chin against the sun-warmed denim. “People need to mind their own business.”

Wynonna’s hand brushes over Nicole’s. “You  _ are _ our business.”

Nicole shifts away. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.”

“Wynonna.”

“Nicole.”

Nicole turns her head sharply. “Stop it.”

“ _ Stop it _ ,” Wynonna mocks. 

Nicole growls softly. “You know what?”

Wynonna grins widely. “What?” 

Nicole falters a little bit. “Don’t you have a job to get back to? You know, books to balance. A  _ husband _ to look after.”

“First of all. Doc would be so lucky to be my husband.” Wynonna goes quiet for a minute and then sways into Nicole’s side. “Did you know that Aerosmith and Kiss are doing a tour together?”

Nicole blinks. “What?”

“Yeah. I saw an ad for it the other day.” Wynonna snorts. “They’re calling it the Lips ‘n’ Tongue tour. Because Gene Simmons has a long tongue and Steven Tyler-”

“His lips, yeah.” Nicole rolls her eyes. “I got it.”

Wynonna shrugs her off. “We can go. Make a whole weekend of it. Just you and me. I’ll even put the sidecar on my bike and you can ride bitch.”

“I’m not getting in that death trap on wheels,” Nicole mutters. “I want to live until I’m at least 60.”

Wynonna sighs. “Nicole, you can talk to me. I can listen.”

Nicole snorts. Something angry courses through her. “Can you? Do you even know how to do that? Isn’t it the Wynonna Show, all the time?”

Wynonna starts to nod. “Here we go.”

“Isn’t it what-Wynonna-wants-Wynonna-gets?” Nicole says, ignoring her. “We all live in Wynonna’s world. Wynonna says ‘jump’ and we say ‘how high?’ It’s Wynonna, Wynonna, Wynonna.”

Wynonna sits quietly, absently running her fingers over the laces of her 1992 Frye Logger boots.

“You don’t care about anyone else,” Nicole continues. “You swoop in here like you know what’s going on. Like you know who I am. You just come in and you  _ ruin _ things. But you don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me. You think you do, but you don’t.”

Wynonna nods. “Sure.”

“You don’t care. You never have. You just take and take and you leave everyone behind. Go, okay? You wanted to leave, so just leave. What’s keeping you here? Go and start a new life somewhere. We don’t need you here.” Nicole sucks in a deep breath. “I don’t need you. Waverly and Gus don’t need you. Doc doesn’t need you. Alice doesn’t-” 

“Okay,” Wynonna says sharply. She unties her shoe now, pulling the lace tight. “You done now?”

Nicole feels a rush of regret wash over her. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” Wynonna says softly. She relaces her shoe and stretches her legs out along the roof. She’s quiet. Nicole can hear a horn honk somewhere on Main Street. A dog barks a few streets over. Wynonna nudges her shoulder. “Do you want to know what else the tour is called?”

Nicole sighs. “Sure.”

Wynonna smiles widely. “It’s  _ really _ called the Rocksimus Maximus/World Domination tour. Or! AeroKiss.” She pushes out her bottom lip. “I like Lips ‘n’ Tongue the best, though.” She shimmies her shoulder. “Sounds sexy.”

“There’s  _ nothing _ sexy about Gene Simmons,” Nicole says, making a face. “He’s, like, the least sexy person ever.”

“I don’t know,” Wynonna sings. “Long tongue? Imagine the things he can do with that. I bet he could-”

“Stop.” Nicole shudders. “Please, stop.”

Wynonna smiles a little wider. “I’ll stop if you talk to me.”

Nicole scowls again. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Mercedes said that Nathan didn’t want to talk either. He took off.”

Nicole’s head snaps up. “Is he-”

“With Perry,” Wynonna says quickly. “He went to meet Perry.”

Nicole lets out a long stream of air, relieved. “Good.” She runs a hand through her hair. She’s exhausted. She has been since this morning. Since last night, really. She laid in bed and watched Waverly toss and turn; watched Mac race in her dreams; watched the sun come up through the bedroom window, casting long streams of light across the bed and Waverly’s face.

_ This is home _ , she had thought. And then the thought soured in her mouth and she rolled out of bed. She made coffee. She left Waverly a note and took Mac on a long walk. She watched Waverly’s Jeep pull out of the driveway and she waved goodbye and she went back upstairs. She pulled on yesterday’s jeans and her 1998 Bridges to Babylon tour shirt. She dropped Mac off with Nedley and Rand. She let herself into Gus’s house and she climbed up onto the roof. 

Wynonna gets her attention, touching her leg. She taps out the opening line of “Bad Company” on the top of her thigh. “Your dad died,” Wynonna says softly. 

Nicole feels her face get hot. “I don’t care.”

Wynonna continues the song, humming under her breath. “Yes, you do.”

Nicole barks out a laugh. “I really, really don’t.”

“Sure,” Wynonna says, rolling her eyes. “Just like Nathan doesn’t care, right?”

“Right,” Nicole grounds out. 

Wynonna shrugs a shoulder. “Tell that to the hole he put in the garage wall.” She pauses, pointing at Nicole. “Or your face.”

Nicole looks away. “I don’t care,” she repeats. “He’s dead. Whatever.”

Wynonna leans back on her palms. The sun is warm today. It’s not too cool yet, but September is long, and the last few winters have been cold. Nicole stays where she is, arms wrapped around her legs, chin on her knees.

“It’s okay to care,” Wynonna whispers. 

“But I  _ don’t _ ,” Nicole spits. “He doesn’t deserve it.”

Wynonna breathes in and out and in and out. Nicole counts the seconds between them, getting through one verse of “Ready For Love” before she speaks again. “No,” she says slowly. “He doesn’t.”

“I just said that.” Nicole glares at her. “Is there an echo or something? Or- or are you just that stupid?”

Wynonna lets it roll off her, barely looking over at Nicole. It sinks into her gut a little. She wants to open her mouth and take it back. Wynonna isn’t stupid. She’s never thought Wynonna is stupid. But Wynonna gives her a soft smile and bumps her forehead into Nicole’s arm. “There’s an echo,” she says. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Nicole says. Her voice wavers just a little. “He’s gone.”

“Ward wasn’t a great dad,” Wynonna says suddenly. Nicole looks at her, confused. “He loved Willa the most, and we all knew it. After Wendy left… He stopped really being a dad, you know? But he was my dad and he died and I was sad about it.”

Nicole shakes her head slowly. “You were mad about it.”

“I was mad that I was sad,” Wynonna corrects. “I was sad that he was gone, even if he always liked Willa more than he liked me and Waverly. And I was sad and I was mad about that. You of all people should know that. You know me better than anyone else. Even Doc.”

“Doc wishes he knew you as well as I do,” Nicole mutters. She scowls again. “So what?”

“So…” Wynonna leans into her again. “Right now, you’re pulling a Wynonna. You’re sad and you’re getting all mean so that I get mad back and leave you alone.”

Nicole looks at Wynonna out of the corner of her eye. “If you know what I’m doing, then why are you still here?”

Wynonna smiles softly. “If you really wanted me to leave, you’d have to throw me off this roof. And you’re too square to do that, aren’t you, Sheriff?”

“I could get away with it,” Nicole mutters. “Kate Riley owes me a favor. Valdez, too. They’d bury the body.”

“You don’t scare me, Nicole Haught. I knew you before you got boobs.” Wynonna sits quietly for a minute. “And you’ve been with me on the best and the worst days of my life. You were there when I first learned to swim. And when Curtis died. That week I broke up with John Henry. You were there when I needed someone to know about Alice and when my bike crashed. You’ve been a part of all of that. You’ve always taken care of me. You’ve always kept me on track. Let me take care of  _ you _ . If this is the worst day of your life, I want to be here like you’ve been there for me.” She smiles. “A faithful friend is a strong defense.”

Nicole makes a face. “Have you been reading fortune cookies again?”

Wynonna gasps, putting a hand to her chest. “I’m offended. I came up with that all on my own.” She gets serious again. “But I’m not kidding, Nicole. I’ve been with you on all the good days. I’m not going to leave you all alone on the bad ones.” She shifts a little like she’s making herself comfortable, burrowing into the hard shingles beneath her. “Your dad died, Nicole.” Wynonna curls her hand around Nicole’s knee. “It’s okay to be sad about that.”

Nicole thinks about when she was eight, trailing around after Nathan; trailing around after her dad. She worshipped the ground he walked on. He was her hero. She wanted, so desperately, for him to notice her. She learned how to throw a punch. She learned how to race her bike. She learned how to rewind a cassette tape. She stockpiled facts about him and wanted to like the same things. She wanted to do what Nathan did. He liked Nathan, right? He could like her, too. 

But he never really looked at her. He didn’t teach her how to throw a punch or even throw a ball. He patted her on the top of the head and told her to let Nathan give it a try.  _ Nathan is a boy _ , he’d say.  _ Boys need to learn these things _ .

She thinks about when she was 14, calling her dad from the pantry. She needed to hear his voice. She needed her father. She just lost Curtis, but her dad was still alive. Her dad was just a train ride away. He would be there and he’d let her sleep on his couch and they could read the comics together. He could be her dad. Her living and breathing dad.

But he didn’t want her to come visit. He didn’t have the time for her. Not with the baby and his new wife and his new life. She didn’t fit there. She didn’t belong.

She thinks about when she was 22, standing in the Patch staring at her father. He was back. He was back and he was looking at her. She had stood up a little straighter, proud. She wanted to make him proud. She could tell him all about joining the force and the things she was doing there. He could be proud. She could make him proud. She was confused, but happy. He was back. Her dad was back. 

But then he said those things about her. About Waverly. And he wanted her to go back with him. He wanted her, but only because he thought she was wrong. That her relationship was wrong. That her life was wrong. She remembers the wave of anger washing over her. He came back, but he didn’t know her. He didn’t want to know her.

He never really wanted her, she thinks.

“I’m not sad,” Nicole admits. “I’m mad. I’m mad that he died and I didn’t get another chance to tell him to go to hell. I’m mad that I even care that he died. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Wynonna adds. 

“He doesn’t!” Nicole’s hand clenches into a fist and she squeezes it tightly. “I lived a whole life without him. And the closest thing I ever had to a dad? He already died. Curtis is already gone. I didn’t need  _ Neil _ . I didn’t need him then, and I don’t need him now.”

“But you wanted him,” Wynonna says softly. “I remember that Christmas, Nicole. All you wanted was your dad.”

“I was nine,” Nicole says defensively.

Wynonna shrugs. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.”

Nicole sighs. “I used to want my dad to come home and pay attention to me. See me, you know? I wanted him to see me the way he saw Nathan. But he never did. He was never going to, was he?”

“Probably not,” Wynonna says softly.

“I’m mad because I still want him to,” Nicole whispers. Her cheeks are wet and now her chin. Her eyes are burning. She can feel Wynonna pressing closer, whispering softly that  _ it’s okay, it’s okay _ . But it’s not. She’s eight and it’s not okay. She’s 14 and she’s 22 and it’s not okay. He’s not okay.

And now he’s dead.

She’s not okay.

“I hate that he can still do this.” Nicole wipes at her face. “I’m 32, Wynonna. But when it comes to him… I’m eight again, just begging him to take me fishing or to Mattie’s or for a milkshake at the Patch. He makes me feel so… so  _ small _ .”

“You’re, like, the tallest person I know,” Wynonna says quietly.

Nicole hiccups. “Doc is taller than me.”

Wynonna waves her off. “That hat is filled with nothing but hot air.” She holds a hand over her heart. “I do implore you, Sherriff, to take the compliment and stuff it,” she mocks.

Nicole rolls her eyes, scrubbing a hand over her face and down her neck. “He’s always been able to do that, you know? No matter what I did, no matter how well I did it, I was still just a nuisance to him. Not a son, not enough of a daughter. I wasn’t his  _ Princess _ .”

“No,” Wynonna agreed. “You’re like Mario, right? Rescuing Princess Peach. Who is obviously me.”

Nicole shakes her head. “You’re Bowser.”

Wynonna seems to think it over. “He’s got a bitchin’ shell. Maybe I’ll get my next half-helmet with spikes on it. Find the Banditos. I think they’re somewhere near Edmonton these days.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Sure. You can live out of the sidecar.” Wynonna pauses. “Won’t change things, though.” She sighs softly. “You can mourn him, Nicole. No one is going to judge you for that.”

“ _ I’ll _ judge me,” she admits. “I’m stronger than this. He means nothing. He just… He has this  _ hold _ over me, you know? No matter what I do, or did. It’ll never be good enough. I’m never going to be good enough.” She drops her head. “I’m always going to be just short of what he wanted. If I could have been  _ better _ , maybe he would have-”

“Don’t you  _ dare _ say he would have stayed.” Nicole’s head snaps around at the tone of Wynonna’s voice. Her eyes are hard and unblinking. “You’re not that little kid anymore. You grew up and you’re something  _ amazing _ . And if your dad wasn’t here to see it, he’s the fool. Do you understand me?”

Nicole can feel Curtis’s hands on her shoulders, holding her down. She blinks hard and it’s Wynonna again, eyes fierce. 

“Screw him,” Wynonna says, her voice loud. “No, seriously. He’s the definition of an airhead, if he couldn’t see how amazing you are. He missed out on you, Nicole Haught. He missed out on getting to know one of my favorite people in the whole world.” Wynonna pauses. “My second favorite, actually. Alice beats you just because, you know, I made her and stuff.”

Nicole nods, swallowing down the lump in her throat. “I can let him go,” she says hoarsely.

“You don’t need strength to let go of something,” Wynonna says patiently. “What you need is understanding.”

Nicole groans and slumps back against the roof. “You had that fortune last time we ordered Chinese.”

“I liked it,” Wynonna argues. “Better than yours. ‘The usefulness of a cup is in its emptiness’,” she recites. She shakes her head. “At least if you add  _ in bed _ to mine, it makes a little sense. But useless cup in bed? Makes no sense.”

“Sorry,” Nicole says softly, looking across the street to where Bumblebear is sitting on the front porch in the same rocking chair she’s had forever. “About this. About you having to come up here and-”

“Can it,” Wynonna says sharply. “Stop being such a hoser. It’s bogus.”

“What are you two doing up there?” someone shouts from the lawn.

Nicole stretches her neck, looking down. “Look. It’s your daughter.”

“And your wife.” Wynonna slides a little further down the roof, a shingle loosening. She looks back up at Nicole. Her eyes are softer now, like they are when she looks at Alice. “I love you,” Wynonna whispers. 

Nicole hiccups a laugh. “You what?”

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “Don’t make me say it again.”

“But I didn’t hear you.” Nicole rests her forehead against the back of Wynonna’s shoulder. “Say it again.”

Wynonna huffs. “I love you,” she mutters.

“What?” Nicole fights a smile.

“I. Love. You,” Wynonna says, her teeth grinding together. “Okay?”

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Waverly calls.

Nicole grins. “Okay. I love you, too.”

Wynonna groans and shrugs her shoulder. Nicole’s head drops. “Yeah, whatever.” She’s smiling, though.

Waverly sighs, the sound traveling up. “Bumblebear called and said there were two idiots on the roof - one who had been there all day, and the other who was supposed to get her down.” Her eyes drift to Nicole. “I can guess which idiot you are.”

“Yeah!” Alice shouts. “Two idiots.”

“Hey!” Wynonna shouts. “Don’t call your mother an idiot. Your aunt on the other hand…”

“Hey,” Nicole protests, elbowing Wynonna in the side. “We’re coming down,” she calls to Waverly.

They both scoot back up the roof, edging closer to the window leading to Wynonna’s old room. The pocket of her jeans pulls a little bit, and Nicole winces. “Hey,” she says, her hand on Wynonna’s arm. “I love you, too.”

Wynonna sighs heavily. “Yeah, whatever.”

“No,” Nicole says softly. “I do. You don’t let me tell you enough. You need to let me tell you more, okay?” Hot tears build at the corner of her eyes. “Someday… Someday, you won’t be here. Or  _ I _ won’t be here. And I want you to know, that I love you. I want everyone to know that I love them.” She swallows hard. “You’re my best friend, Wynonna Earp. And I love you.”

Wynonna’s eyes shine a little bit. “Yeah,” she says, the word breaking. “I love you, too, Nicole.”

Nicole pushes some of Wynonna’s hair off her face and presses a short kiss to Wynonna’s forehead. “Good,” she whispers. 

She swings one leg into the old bedroom, looking back over her shoulder. She thinks about being nine, racing down this road on her bicycle, tears stinging her face and her father’s rejection fresh in her chest. She thinks about being 14 and hanging up the phone, Curtis’s loss still aching. She remembers being 22, heartbroken with her father’s anger still clear in her mind.

She thinks about Waverly and Alice, waiting for her on the lawn; about Hayley and Hank and Mercedes and Nathan; about Chrissy, Perry, Doc, Rosita, Jeremy, and Dolls. She thinks about Curtis, and how he loved her. How he kept her on track.

She’s going to be okay.


End file.
